With so much noise going on in the world, it is sometimes very important to take time out and speak about the most important thing to succeed in life, self-love. Not believing in yourself can lead to you putting yourself down and not living up to your full-potential. Palesa Mohlala, a mother and beautiful woman tells me about her journey towards being kind to herself.
Who are you and where do you come from?
I am still learning about myself, all I know is I am a loving mother, I care for others a lot.
I am happy now and at a better place cause I accepted that things done in the past cannot be changed. I was born in Soweto and raised in the Vaal and my destiny is still to be revealed by the path I am taking.
What are some of the mistakes you have made in your life?
The first mistake was having sex at age of 15 years and disregarding everything my mother told me about keeping my virginity. And then I met a guy at 17 yrs , It was so great at first but after I fell pregnant, he told me to abort.
Years later after being left alone with the twins, I dug a deeper hole for myself, I fell in love with a married man. We were together for 4yrs and he dropped me without think twice of what we shared or should I say what I shared with myself.
What would you say were the causes of these?
Unsafe sex at 15years was peer pressure and how my friends kept telling me it’s good, I am gonna feel sexy and more matured. But I felt rejection and anger during and after my pregnancy, all the friends were gone except one Albertina Molemane. She was there for me and the twins.
Being with a married man was caused by the loneliness as he said all the right things that I didn’t hear from father or those around me.
“I Love You, You Are Beautiful, You Have A Beautiful Smile and I Am Here For You,” were some of the things he said which made me feel like I belong somewhere.
How did they affect you negatively?
I had low self-esteem, I always wanted to be in a relationship or just have a sex partner. I even went as far as making a personal loan to fit in just to be the it girl, it left me with worst debt of my life . I became financially and emotionally unstable to a point of depression, to a point that suicide was an option.
What good has come out of them?
I learned that loving the wrong people, caring about their opinion was the worst mistake ever. It taught me to focus and have a back bone, it made me realize I don’t know who I AM and that’s when I asked for help.
How are you changing your life now and what would you say is the most important thing in your change?
I have changed my attitude towards myself, I am trusting the decisions I am making and I believe in myself. The most important thing is loving and being kind to myself, I am so in love with this woman, it’s beautiful now that I have been realizing her potential, beauty, confidence and loving heart. This woman is ME. Palesa Johanna Mohlala.
What do you know now that you wish you knew then?
That I didn’t need a man to tell me I am beautiful, he loves me because I have been beautiful from the day I blessed this world with my presence. That sex, alcohol and belonging to a crowd won’t complete me. I wish I dealt with my pain and not pretend as if I’ve got my shit together. That I was kind to myself more.
What is the one thing you thing young girls need today?
It’s more than one thing but let me try and break down. Self-love is important because when you love yourself so much nobody can break you, undermine you, gossip doesn’t even affect you because you know exactly what kind of a woman lives within you. With self love comes so many things like confidence, respect, trust, belief and determination.
Who inspires you?
So many people inspire me, one of them being my mother. After everything she went through with her marriage, work, friends and family feuds she still loves and forgives.
You are a strong woman because . . . ?
. . . of my experiences; betrayal from trusted friends and people. I have overcome the depression, loneliness, fear, anger and resentment towards myself. It wasn’t easy going to therapy and talking about myself but it taught me to be kind, loving, understanding, believing and being patient with myself. My positive vibrations have done wanders for me and the universe is answering me. I am no longer negative or putting myself down, I am in love with myself and life.